This has been a long week for me dealing with work and trying to remain focus on myself. I tend to get sidetracked a lot dealing with others coming into my pathway whether it’s family, friends, or new acquaintances. I like to think that I can do it all and that I can multi-task but as I get older, I notice that I can not multi-task well. I slowly just started to realize this but I can be slow at times or rather incompetent to the fact of acknowledging my faults/weaknesses. It’s little things that helped me come to this conclusion and really sit back and acknowledge that I have to slow down and do one thing at a time.
Some of the things that I was doing were texting and driving, cooking and rolling blunts, writing and talking, and focusing on others while trying to focus on myself. I found myself messing up continually or forgetting what it was I was doing, to begin with. “wait, Wait, Wait a Damn Minute did you say texting and driving”! “Yes I did, I know, I know, I should not be doing that anyways”! “Right please don’t do that”. “I’ve stopped, But sometimes common sense is not so common; so I’m checking myself before I wreck myself. (literally)”!
When driving and texting I would remain at red lights that turned into greenlights longer then I should, or I’d find myself driving out of my lane. When cooking and rolling, my blunts I would find myself burning my food. I would get into rolling then smoking and completely forget my food. “what a waste”! “No, I ate that shit burnt. I Don’t have money to be wasting”. When I’d write and try to talk to others I would lose my place, or forget what was being typed. Lastly which is by far the most important to me is focusing on myself, which is sometimes better said than done.
I’m a man of my word, so when I make promises to others I believe in keeping those promises. So often my time is spread out between family, friends, and acquaintances which puts me in the backseat. I do not try to do this to myself, it just happens and I allow it. I’m now acknowledging it and now starting to change my availability when it comes to others. I realized that in order to be able to spread myself out I have to always make sure that I check in with myself before doing so. It’s like the saying (“If you can’t love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” ) –RuPaul
That saying really lives up to itself, because it works the same way when it comes to taking care of yourself. If you can’t take care of your basic needs and wants how can you be able to take care of others. You have to learn how to take care of yourself before you can even become accessible to others. I had to properly learn how to wash and clean my own ass before, I could even give advice to my nieces and nephews on how to clean theirs. You can’t give advice if you’re not living by your own advice the right way yourself, because then your teaching and advising wrong; But somewhere down the line you learned it wrong if you’re doing it wrong.
Moral of that saying is to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself the right way before you decided to spread yourself out to others. I’m learning but at times, I have to constantly remind myself to take care of me; so that I can take care of others who depend on me. I also have to remind my friends and family this but it often goes in one ear and out the other because “common sense is common but not so common”.
Going back into my week I worked 5 days last week Tuesday-Saturday which left me tired and I could not bring myself to write or study. I also workout seven days a week before work which also plays a huge part in my exhaustion, but I keep pushing. I workout 7days a week because it’s my one thing that I do daily to make me happy throughout the day/week. I then somehow try to fit in time for family, friends, and acquaintances on my two days off while writing on my blog. My blog is the second thing that I do to make me happy. It can become hard to balances but I’m so far managing it by paying attention to how it is that I’m feeling. I also made a promise to myself that if I don’t complete the stuff I have to do for myself I can’t go out and play. “Taking it back old school, Thank you mother”.
This two days off has been a real wake up call for me. I recognized that I was losing focus and I needed to reel it in and become focused. I managed to get everything done this week when it came to the task, I had on my todo-list. The task I had on my todo-list were to receive two letters of recommendations to submit my college application and to write the pieces for my blog I been waiting to do. I did not get my blog post complete this week “hints” me working on them now. I tried to stay in these two days but the forces were strong and I had to leave my house. Me leaving out turned into me being gone half of the day and getting home while being too tired to write down anything I was thinking about. I’m going to aim to do better this week because I have plans for this week that I intend on keeping.
Coming to an end I hope that everyone has a great week while trying to remain focused on yourself before focusing on others. like I said that can be better said than done, but if you can acknowledge it you can damn sure change it. Have a blessed day and I love you all.